i'm such a "no no, it's okay" person with tears in eyes
for the first time in 23!!! years a white man kissed me at the bar. I literally CRIED bc given the trauma white men have inflicted on me and my peers. I do not love this for me, but at the same time it felt so nice to be desired by someone… anyone.
and that’s a wrap #207 (at University Neighborhood, Syracuse)
https://www.instagram.com/p/B_00eeLB8B_y_hYaTDtbPQ9Ru_YKRDuZ9q4xjc0/?igshid=1bayuk4p4diat
I’m tired.
I’m tired of being at the disposal for any want or need that may arise for humans of my past. I’m constantly baffled at how people who pointed out SO. MUCH. WRONG. can happily (but only momentalrily) “rescind” their thoughts, comments, and beliefs for the sake of their PERONSAL WELL BEING. like, excuse me? THIS IS MENTAL ILLNESS. and being the incredibly palatable person I am, I simply reconcile my own feelings, and serve them. again, THIS IS MENTAL ILLNESS. the manner in which I am manipulated, taken advantage of, and then in-turn, chastised, is not fine, and it will never be fine. obviously I have much work to do, I am by no means perfect or even acceptable at this point. but, I’m doing it. that is what is most important – I’M. DOING. THE. WORK. I’m better than I was yesterday, and I will continue to grow and learn each tomorrow. while my developement will never be “finished” so to speak, I hope and pray that one day my hurting will be. I hope and pray I wake up each morning to pure bliss; content with myself and the life I’ve around me. no doubting each move or wondering “what-if”. but, until then, goodnight.
